To find the life I want to live I've had to move away from a failed marriage, a family that I love (even though I don't know if that love is reciprocated) and my dogs.
To breathe I had to cut off what I thought was part of my oxygen supply. What I found was that I was smothering, and I was also smothering her.
I've walked away from that. Ended it. Been over a year since this process began, maybe even more. There was a time when I couldn't imagine my life without her, my step-kids and her family. Without this 'perfect' little house (that I'm now convinced is full of some major darkness). But now I don't know how I walked upright for so long in it. I don't know how they survived either.
There's always fault, guilt, blame. And we both have our ugly shares of that. But I hope that she can be happy.
So this is the End. And in every ending, there is a Beginning.
Beginnings are hard too... I've made more mistakes in the last months and I've also seen and met some wonderful people. I've grown. Wow, you can teach us OLD DAWGS new tricks!! lol I'm seeing that I can't change the past. Can't always meander in my melancholia. Can't be something that I'm not. I'm going to keep walking. Keep pressing forward. Keep finding that source of light that seems to resonate inside me.
Over the last several months I've walked the trails. I'm still walking them now.
The Journey doesn't end.
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