"Crossroads..."

'Crossroads, seem to come and go, yeah. 
The gypsy flies from coast to coast 

Knowing many, loving none, 
Bearing sorrow havin' fun, 
But back home he'll always run...'

     ~ the Allman Brothers Band

We all go through those moments that define.  Moments when we find ourselves at the heart of a decision.  When our next step will help shape our immediate future, and maybe even down the road.  I have been walking towards this 'Crossroad' for the last year.  I've walked through one of the lowest times in my life, found sanity, found more heartache, found purpose and then started to walk.

I wrote my first blog on June 11th, 2012.  Told everyone who was willing to read it that I was going to change the way I did things.  The way that I had always accepted and thought wasn't good enough anymore.  It was time to find my own TRUTH.  Even if it was against everything that I had ever known.

So now, over 5 months later, I find that I've finally reached the place where the path meets an intersection and I get to move freely into either path.

I have found a fresh opinion of myself.  I know my value and worth and also that I am a creature that continues to grow and evolve with each new experience and time here.

I am alive.  I lived for many years as a dead man, without music, writing, and many of the things that make me whole.  But now I FEEL.  I have realized that there is HOPE and that there is a SWEET taste in my spirit of this new growth inside.

And I have met someone who makes me wonder, "Can there be even more?".

I spent Friday night on Siler Bald in North Carolina.  It was a planned trip with my hiking group, but it was more a time to let go of some of the hurts I had been holding onto and walk down that mountain .  I came down after a 15 degree night (oh, my, God was it cold!), tears shed for a lost relationship and the pain that it had caused, and a feeling that I will be able to move on and find peace without sacrificing ME!

So at this crossroad, I am taking the path that speaks to my spirit.  Just like the last year, I am going to listen, breathe and find my footing as the trail is laid out in front of me.

ONE DAY can change EVERYTHING!

There are moments that turn the world upside down.

Moments that define us.  Change us.  Give us hope or leave us with deep despair.

Events that change history - sometimes for a country, other times for just one individual.
Some of these days are horrific.  Some are the precious moments that give us hope for a better tomorrow.

Pearl Harbor
December 7, 1941

D-Day
June 6, 1944

Rosa Parks' Bus Incident
December 1, 1955

9/11/11

The day my son was born (March 27, 1999).  18 months later when my daughter joined this world (Sept. 3, 2000).  The day the Red Sox FINALLY won the world series (Oct. 27, 2004).  The day John Lennon was murdered (Dec. 8, 1980).

Monday.

November 19th, 2012.

Can one day really mean so much?  I don't know if this will be another like any of the above, but sometimes the things we weren't even looking for appear and take our breath.

And for this I am extremely Thankful for this Thanksgiving!

Why I hike.

Here's the list.  Compiled on a napkin with a Sharpie while realizing just how much I've missed hiking while healing from my ankle injury.

This is what I find when I'm out there; whether with a group or alone in the woods, on a trail, a mountain or even downtown Atlanta.

And here it is clearer (I know my handwriting is bad when I'm mid-thought).

Solace - a sense of comfort.  A feeling that everything is going to be ok.

Serenity - everything slows down.  Peace comes more often when I'm out and away from the distractions.

Sanity - after the trauma from last year, I was told to seek out ways to maintain a healthy balance in my life.  With each step comes an awareness of me.  Standing, even after the mishaps that brought me to the edge and back. 

Stillness - shhhhhhh..........

Social - You know what I've noticed? People who go hiking are good people.  We are social creatures.  Even me, when I can often find solitude more comforting than groups, need to be with other people.

Strength - I am still standing.  Said that just above, but it's true.  And the strength I find when I've spent time to get away and recharge is 'priceless'.

Spiritual - It is out there where I find a true sense of God; of something greater than this world.  A presence that beckons me to move on, to not surrender, but to find a deeper resolve and commitment to listening to the voices that I hear so clearly when I get away.

So my encouragement would be this.  Find your own HIKING!  You may not find the same experience that I do when you go for a hike or a long walk, but there is something that brings forth similar thoughts in each of us.  Maybe it's Fishing, Gardening, Writing, Helping out at an Animal Shelter.  

But no matter what speaks to you, GO AND FIND IT and make it an important part of your world.

And with that, I bid you Solace, Serenity, Sanity, Stillness, a Social Realization, Strength and a Deeper Spiritual Bond Inside.

RUN, FORREST! RUN!!

He ran from Bullies, Defenses, the Viet Cong.

Listen, you promise me something, OK? Just if you're ever in trouble, don't be brave. You just run, OK? Just run away
What a poignant film about the fictional urban legend that RAN.  He didn't even know why he was running at times, but when things happened, he ran.

I think it is remarkable how true to life Forrest Gump has become to me.  When I was a child I ran from the truth that might have saved me years of hurt and pain.  In school, I ran from conflict, though I was at conflict more inside for not standing for what I knew was right (my Bullies came in the form of those who couldn't handle someone who was a little different than they). 

Me and Jenny goes together like peas and carrots.

In college I fell in love and instead of building on those feelings for that person, I immediately ran away.  And into a relationship with someone that was doomed for failure from the very beginning.

Up until recently I ran from my true feelings and continued to try and maintain where I was at, even though I knew that my insides where on a treadmill set at NUCLEAR Speed.

When Jenny left and Forrest took off on his cross country journey.  He Ran. And whether he realized it or not - I believe he was working through the pain and hurt of being left again by the person he loved.

When we find the famous park bench scene, He is there on Jenny's request, and he brings his simple 'box of chocolates' wisdom with him.  Forrest doesn't ever really stop being Forrest.  He is just going through the stages of his life without any shame of who he is.  He finds himself still Forrest Gump.  He is still a little out there, quirky, simple, but he is endearing and special and he doesn't try to be anything else.

What's normal anyways?

So this is where I am.  I am still Chad.  The same me I have always been inside.  I may not have had Forrest's naive courage to be who I am always without regret, but I stand today with less fear of being anything else.

I'm not running.  Just walking through the scenes of the rest of the movie of me.

so here it comes (couldn't do a blog on F.Gump without the quote)...

"Momma said, 'life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.'"


And that's all I have to say about that.