So today I've seen that I'm not alone. I'm not the only person out here that is impatient, tired, striving for more than just the day to day routine. And I'm also not the only person who doesn't always have a clue!
I know that my life isn't what I had envisioned it when I was a kid. Who's is? I've spent years on a journey towards a place that may not even exist. How can you even start to know what's to come when you're 12?
I thought that I would be either a famous musician, a published writer, a critic of art.
So I'm here. I'm 40. I sometimes feel that I've wasted time. I probably have. But I can't always keep looking back. If I keep that up then my neck will be so strained that I'll eternally have a crick!
My friends are here. They mean so much to me. They have been great for my morale. And I'm not alone!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Saturday, June 16, 2012
The Ride
Do you remember when you first learned to ride a bike?
I was about 6 or 7. Training wheels at first, then they just had to come off!!!! I remember the utter freedom and fear as I was pushed out of my father's hands and let go on my own. I've just realized that it was my dad who took the training wheels off and was the one who helped stabilize me as I started down the driveway. Wow, how long that driveway seemed then.
I didn't do it without the typical bumps, bruises and even blood shed in the yearning to have the run of the neighborhood that the other kids had. And in the society that was the cul-de-sac, a bike was status. It was what separated you from the young kids and put you in the midst of the elite.
Ah, the memories!
So yesterday I went riding with a friend. The first time in years that I've been on a bike. And you know what, it is "just like riding a bike"! I didn't flinch. I didn't worry about falling. I was immediately back to being a kid in the neighborhood. Sometimes the things you learn as a kid are just locked away until you get the opportunity to get back on the bike.
It took some work. When the hills came, man did it take some work. But when I crested the hill...
...wow!
Enjoy the Ride!
I was about 6 or 7. Training wheels at first, then they just had to come off!!!! I remember the utter freedom and fear as I was pushed out of my father's hands and let go on my own. I've just realized that it was my dad who took the training wheels off and was the one who helped stabilize me as I started down the driveway. Wow, how long that driveway seemed then.
I didn't do it without the typical bumps, bruises and even blood shed in the yearning to have the run of the neighborhood that the other kids had. And in the society that was the cul-de-sac, a bike was status. It was what separated you from the young kids and put you in the midst of the elite.
Ah, the memories!
So yesterday I went riding with a friend. The first time in years that I've been on a bike. And you know what, it is "just like riding a bike"! I didn't flinch. I didn't worry about falling. I was immediately back to being a kid in the neighborhood. Sometimes the things you learn as a kid are just locked away until you get the opportunity to get back on the bike.
It took some work. When the hills came, man did it take some work. But when I crested the hill...
...wow!
Enjoy the Ride!
Friday, June 15, 2012
Super Heroes
Superman.
The ultimate Super Hero. The man of STEEL. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
UGH!!! Really? Is this who I want to look to for my ideal super dude?
I guess I'm more of a Batman ("I'm Batman")/Iron Man guy. While Superman seems impervious to just about everything - well except Kryptonite, but we'll get to that another day - Batman is seriously flawed. I mean come on, he's a multi-millionaire and he dresses like a large bat?! I really like the fact that he has issues. Social anxiety disorder, multiple personality disorder (one a bat, one a playboy, who knows how many others are lingering inside that head), family issues and maybe even a savior complex. I don't really know how he even gets out of bed in the morning. Maybe that's the thing. He's found something bigger that he is striving for.
It seems that through the echoes of his past he's found a direction. A goal. A reason to be more than Bruce Wayne (Spoiler Alert!). I can't say that he's really dealing with all the issues that are present, but I do appreciate that he's used his resources to not only fund some "Make Gotham Beautiful" campaign, but to go out, get dirty and do some good.
SO - Why is this important to me? Well I know that we all have moments when we don't really know what our direction truly is. We flounder. We fall. We get kicked in the teeth, and many times it's by our own choices. I want to continue to find ways to remove myself from the self-loathing, wallowing in self-pity person and find the Super Hero inside.
Oh, and I love all his GADGETS!!!!!!
The ultimate Super Hero. The man of STEEL. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
UGH!!! Really? Is this who I want to look to for my ideal super dude?
I guess I'm more of a Batman ("I'm Batman")/Iron Man guy. While Superman seems impervious to just about everything - well except Kryptonite, but we'll get to that another day - Batman is seriously flawed. I mean come on, he's a multi-millionaire and he dresses like a large bat?! I really like the fact that he has issues. Social anxiety disorder, multiple personality disorder (one a bat, one a playboy, who knows how many others are lingering inside that head), family issues and maybe even a savior complex. I don't really know how he even gets out of bed in the morning. Maybe that's the thing. He's found something bigger that he is striving for.
It seems that through the echoes of his past he's found a direction. A goal. A reason to be more than Bruce Wayne (Spoiler Alert!). I can't say that he's really dealing with all the issues that are present, but I do appreciate that he's used his resources to not only fund some "Make Gotham Beautiful" campaign, but to go out, get dirty and do some good.
SO - Why is this important to me? Well I know that we all have moments when we don't really know what our direction truly is. We flounder. We fall. We get kicked in the teeth, and many times it's by our own choices. I want to continue to find ways to remove myself from the self-loathing, wallowing in self-pity person and find the Super Hero inside.
Oh, and I love all his GADGETS!!!!!!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Beautiful Child of God
What is it that makes someone Beautiful?
Does the perfect combination of hair, skin, body, eyes, lips and smile make someone beautiful? Or is it that super personality that can laugh at just the right time and also cry when the moment comes.
I wish there were an easy answer here. And there is. NONE OF THE ABOVE.
God made you beautiful! Period. End of story. "Even the least of these...." were words Christ spoke. He loved the unruly (ME), the hurting, the ones society had judged and pushed outside the city gates. He sought them out. He found the woman at the well, coming to get water during the hot part of the day, and He showed her love. I'm not trying to preach or sound like I have the answers, but it's so refreshing to know that me, on my worst day, when I've been covered with the filth that the world can bring, is still totally loved by my Savior. And to him, I'm Beautiful!
No matter what you've been told in Church, society, politics, the WORLD.
We are all Beautiful in his eyes!
Does the perfect combination of hair, skin, body, eyes, lips and smile make someone beautiful? Or is it that super personality that can laugh at just the right time and also cry when the moment comes.
I wish there were an easy answer here. And there is. NONE OF THE ABOVE.
God made you beautiful! Period. End of story. "Even the least of these...." were words Christ spoke. He loved the unruly (ME), the hurting, the ones society had judged and pushed outside the city gates. He sought them out. He found the woman at the well, coming to get water during the hot part of the day, and He showed her love. I'm not trying to preach or sound like I have the answers, but it's so refreshing to know that me, on my worst day, when I've been covered with the filth that the world can bring, is still totally loved by my Savior. And to him, I'm Beautiful!
No matter what you've been told in Church, society, politics, the WORLD.
We are all Beautiful in his eyes!
Judge Not, Lest You Be Judged
I love the story in the Bible where Christ tells the crowd who are about to stone the woman "whoever is without sin, cast the first stone". It's funny. How many times have I not only threatened to throw a stone at someone (more verbally than physically), but have actually taken those judgement sized stones and with full force hit someone right between the eyes. I know that even tonight as I sat and had dinner with a friend, that the conversation turned to my judgments being thrown at various people we knew. Gossip is such a form of stone throwing and it's so easy to get caught up with the crowds opinion, when all God asks us to do is to listen to Him.
I have a tattoo on my right hand. 1T411. This stands for First Thessalonians 4:11. "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, working with your hands, minding you own business." Sometimes I forget, even with that so clearly on my body that God is always listening and wanting me to slow down, to find Him and see the real picture in the story above.
Christ wasn't telling the crowd to stop from stoning this woman. He was telling the woman that He loved her and she was SAFE in His presence. I wonder if any in the crowd realized that they were the same as this prostitute, this whore - that their sins were just as dirty and unclean. I wonder if any of them longed to be in her place. Safe in His Presence!
I have a tattoo on my right hand. 1T411. This stands for First Thessalonians 4:11. "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, working with your hands, minding you own business." Sometimes I forget, even with that so clearly on my body that God is always listening and wanting me to slow down, to find Him and see the real picture in the story above.
Christ wasn't telling the crowd to stop from stoning this woman. He was telling the woman that He loved her and she was SAFE in His presence. I wonder if any in the crowd realized that they were the same as this prostitute, this whore - that their sins were just as dirty and unclean. I wonder if any of them longed to be in her place. Safe in His Presence!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Acts of Valor
Sat down with a bunch of the guys last night and watched "Act of Valor". Awesome movie! Today it has me thinking about those people who can show courage, bravery and conviction in not the battles overseas, but in the little decisions that can so often shape our lives.
Without giving it away, the movie shows how one member of an elite unit of Navy Seals makes a courageous decision that will affect not only his life, but the members of the unit. Today I saw someone show some of that same bravery. I had a dear friend remind me that sometimes we have to say no, turn around, punt, take a time out, and all the above when faced with the decision to be true to one's self. It's easy to get caught up in moments and emotions and I've been one of the worst at this, but this person was able to stop. Take that second to realize that sometimes we need to actually look carefully before we leap off of the side of the canyon and see if the bungee cord is ACTUALLY attached to the harness.
Without giving it away, the movie shows how one member of an elite unit of Navy Seals makes a courageous decision that will affect not only his life, but the members of the unit. Today I saw someone show some of that same bravery. I had a dear friend remind me that sometimes we have to say no, turn around, punt, take a time out, and all the above when faced with the decision to be true to one's self. It's easy to get caught up in moments and emotions and I've been one of the worst at this, but this person was able to stop. Take that second to realize that sometimes we need to actually look carefully before we leap off of the side of the canyon and see if the bungee cord is ACTUALLY attached to the harness.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Sticking to the Script
I take it that Hollywood is full of scripts that have been marked-up, rewritten, argued over interpretation, fought for lines and plain out just thrown in the trash. If a writer, any writer expects things to follow along without any changes being made, then they probably will find more than just success or failure... probably a little insanity. Actors, directors, producers, heck, even the cameramen will probably find tangents to discuss and wage war over getting their voices heard. It's crazy but so many people are trying to live a life without any mark-ups. I just can't do it. I've tried to live by my parent's script, to my significant other's script, to my professor's script in college, to friend's scripts.
So this is the beginning. A journey I've tried to go on several times in my past. A time to reflect while moving on. A time to journey while standing still. A time of hopeful healing and of finding the voices that matter...
...God's and mine.
I'm taking a sojourn to rewrite, to crumple up and yes, to even throw away the script.
Here I go. Wish me luck, and a whole lot of Grace!
Chad
So this is the beginning. A journey I've tried to go on several times in my past. A time to reflect while moving on. A time to journey while standing still. A time of hopeful healing and of finding the voices that matter...
...God's and mine.
I'm taking a sojourn to rewrite, to crumple up and yes, to even throw away the script.
Here I go. Wish me luck, and a whole lot of Grace!
Chad
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